The Curse of the Traveling Hiccups!
by Okami1
Summary: When the crew is plagued with hiccups only one thing can be done...laugh your ass off, that's what! But watch out, you never know who's next. OO
1. Zoro

The Curse of the Traveling Hiccups!

Written by: Okami

**Authors Note**: I'm at work one day when I suddenly start hiccupping with no idea how they got started. Well, as I go on through my day I think about how funny it would be if the Straw Hat Pirates developed hiccups. And…well…here it is! I tried to keep the characters in character as much as possible. Oh! Also, I do not own One Piece. (Drat!) Enjoy!

The enemy inched closer, swords poised and ready. He could tell they were hesitating to make the first move; he cracked a smirk. Sometimes it really paid to have the title of pirate hunter and be thought of as a demon. Three swords drawn, bandana tied atop his head, and his shadowed eyes glaring down his opponents, he was a force to be reckoned with. Crossing his arms over his chest, he prepared his attack.

"Oni—" His opened mouth paused when his stomach tensed and the strangest sound erupted from his throat.

"—Giri!" Quickly ignoring whatever had happened, he finished his attack and swept through the pirate crew with no problem. He allowed a smile of satisfaction to cross his lips as he began sheathing his swords.

Hiccup

Zoro's hand slipped when his body once again tensed involuntarily, slicing his finger in the process. He hissed and quickly sheathed his katanas, sticking his finger his mouth after the fact. What was going on? Why was his stomach having spasms? Well, at least all the other annoying pirates had been kicked off so he didn't have to deal with those guys anymore. Damn them all for disturbing his nap with their pitiful excuse for a raid. His mouth opened for a yawn but what escaped his lips was anything but what it was supposed to be. It sounded more like someone had just hit him in the gut with a two ton hammer. This gained him surprised looks from his crew mates.

"Wh—hiccup—at?" he growled. Zoro could feel his face flush when he hiccupped in the middle of the word. He had tried to make it sound intimidating but the effect was lost amidst the roar of laughter. The swordsman would have opened his mouth once more but another stomach spasm silenced the words before they could form. Being too tired from lack of sleep, he made his way over to his previous napping place. He'd deal with them later. He would have enjoyed the leisurely doze had his body not jerked every time he hiccupped, followed soon after by snickers from his comrades.

Zoro cast the sharpshooter and captain one last death glare before closing his eyes again. It took him awhile but he finally dozed off and slept peacefully. He didn't know how long he had been asleep but a rather familiar sound roused him from his slumber.

Hiccup

After a moment's pause the green haired man realized he wasn't the one that had hiccupped. "Ah ha!" he exclaimed, sitting bolt upright. "Pay back's a bitch!"

**Authors Note**: Who will be next to experience the wrath of the hiccups! MUHAHAHA!


	2. Sanji

**Author's Note**: I don't own One Piece. Drat!

He couldn't help but laugh at the swordsman's discomfort. To watch the burly man jerk occasionally as he tried to sleep was just too funny not to watch. It was even funnier to hear him try and spout out threats while hiccupping in the middle of a word. It made his day!

Sanji chuckled to himself again as he entered the kitchen. It was almost lunch time aboard the Going Merry and he had a special treat in mind for a certain red head. He could almost picture her beautiful face as she tasted the delicious delicacy: a bright smile, sparkly eyes, and that beautiful song of a laugh. Hearts formed in the cook's eyes as he felt his pulse race, nostrils flaring in pleasure. He didn't need a recipe for his masterpiece so he set right to work. He opened one of the drawers and reached for a knife.

Hiccup

His hand slipped and nearly had a close encounter with the sharp objects. He couldn't help but groan inwardly at the set back. Sucking in a deep breath and holding it tight, he continued with the task at hand. The vegetables were rinsed, washed, and then rinsed again before they were ready to be sliced and diced. As he chopped, the knife moving fast along the food, he took in a sudden breath through his nose. A bubble of the air caught in his throat and he choked, momentarily taking his mind away from his previous task. The knife came down quickly and missed his fingers by a hair's breath.

Hiccup

Damn these hiccups! That was a close call…too close. Sanji downed a glass of water like a shot, hopping that would take care of the problem. Well, at least the vegetables were finished. Now on to the rice.

Everything was moving smoothly with the occasional hiccup here and there. They were becoming quite the problem as some were even disturbing his ability to function, jerking his body with every spasm of his diaphragm. He slid the vegetables into the rice and stirred them all together in his frying pot. The cook lifted the pot to flip its contents when another spasm attacked. His hand jerked and the mixture spilled out of the pan and right onto the stove top. The hot irons spit and sizzled in fury as they burned the food to a crisp.

"Sh—hiccup—it!" he cursed loudly. Luckily, the majority of the food had remained in the pot. But that was going to be a major pain to clean up.

It took much care to finish the rest of the meal. He used extra caution when fixing the meat, not wanting to ruin that in anyway as he knew his captain would probably have his head. Not that Luffy really cared if the meat was cooked or not, as long as it was there he would eat it. Well, the meal was prepared and ready to go. Sanji balanced the plates on his arms and head and began the trek to the aft deck. It was such a beautiful day so they all decided to eat outside. He had just turned the corner and was in full view of the crew when it happened.

Hiccup

Sanji's whole body jerked when another hiccup reared its ugly head. His balance had the best of the Straw Hat pirates, but even he has his moments of miscalculation. In that moment of over correction, the plates of food went crashing down, on top of him and all over the deck.

"Ahh! Meat!" Luffy cried, dashing to the rescue of his precious food.

"Ah ha!" Zoro's voice exclaimed from behind.

Sanji's face was beet red with embarrassment as he stood there, rice clinging to his suit like large lint balls, noodles dangling in his blonde locks, and meat splattered across his shoes. He could stand the laughter from his fellow men, but what hurt the most was hearing his love's laughter and know it was directed at him.

"Sanji-kun," he heard Nami say between fits of laughter. "You're so cute!"

The cook instantly forgot his embarrassment and floated over to her, heart-shaped eyes pounding hard. She pushed him away quickly and told him to take a shower, the other boys would clean up the mess. He agreed instantly, she was always right, and hurried away to get clean. Of course, he promised to make her something extra special once he was finished.

Sanji towel dried his hair as stepped out on to the deck, taking in a deep breath. Now that he was squeaky clean he could prepare that treat for his Nami-san.

Hiccup

The sound stopped him in his tracks and he looked around. It hadn't come from him…so who was it this time?

**Author's Note**: Who is next indeed. Evil laughter You read my mind lightpaladin! I had planned on doing Sanji next anyway. I'm not sure who I will torture in the next chapter though…I have an idea but I'm not sure.


	3. Nami

**Author's Note**: I don't own One Piece. Drat!

Nami groaned inwardly and looked skyward as if to ask, 'What did I ever do to you!' She knew something strange would happen today but nothing like this. The brilliant red-orange sunrise told of dangers lying in wait. It couldn't have been the marines that chased them during breakfast, or the nameless pirates that attacked before lunch. No, it had to be this. She breathed in a deep sigh only to have that too interrupted.

Hiccup

"Damn it Sanji-kun look what you did! You gave me the hiccups!" She knew it really wasn't the cook's fault she had the hiccups, but someone was to blame and he had been the last one to have them.

The blonde cook stared at her from the main deck, his fresh cigarette dangling from his open lips. He looked about ready to cry.

"Oh my dearest Nami-swan! I feel so ashamed to have given you these dreaded hiccups! I don't deserve to be in the presence of your beauty."

"Then why don't you just jump overboard," a deep voice grunted.

The navigator was surprised when Sanji didn't respond with a quick remark like she had thought. Instead, he seemed to be pondering the idea seriously.

"It's all right, Sanji—hiccup—kun. I'm sure they'll go away in a little bit," she said reassuringly. A smile crept across her face. "I am a bit hungry…."

The cook was in the kitchen in a flash, whipping up something extra special just for her.

Nami sighed again to herself as another hiccup erupted from her lips. A steely glare silenced the snickers from certain members of the crew. Noticing the sky was particularly calm, she took the opportunity to continue work on her world map. She spread her paper, maps, ink, pens, and other various instruments needed for mapmaking and set to work.

Hiccup

"Ahh! Not again!" The navigator slammed her hands down on the table in frustration and glared down at the ruined map. This particular map had been especially hard due to the strange mountain formations, various elevations, and unique shoreline. But, she was determined and had nearly finished when they hit.

Hiccup

Those damned hiccups! Her usually steady hand slipped, making a nice sloppy line across the paper. This was the third time on this one map! It was infuriating beyond belief. She reached over to return her feather pen to its ink pot when—

Hiccup

The ink split all over the table and onto the floor, covering all the papers in a film of black liquid. Nami quickly tried to salvage as much as of the parchment as possible. Her attempts only managed to smear the liquid more, even splattering it across her clothes.

"Ah man! These were new!" She cursed silently as she looked down at herself.

Hiccup

The navigator growled to herself. This was getting old—fast. She slammed her hands down on the table again, letting out a groan. Unfortunately for her, the wood was slick from the ink and her hands slipped forward. Nami face faulted onto the table and froze, not believing what had just happened. Just outside the door she heard the voice of one of the many people she did not want to deal with right now.

"Nami-swan!" Sanji opened the door to the galley and stepped in, balancing a tray with what looked like ice-cream in one hand. His mouth opened to continue his praising but the words caught in his throat at the sight before him.

"Sanji—hiccup—kun," Nami growled dangerously. She rose from the table, her front pitch black, and glared at him from behind her dripping bangs. "Not—hiccup—now!" The cook fled from the room and just barely managed to avoid being struck in the head by a flying ink pot.

Nearly two hours later, the navigator emerged from her study. With clean clothes and freshly finished maps hanging to dry, she felt pretty good.

Hiccup

She tensed inwardly until realization hit her. _ That wasn't me! _ she thought happily. Nami looked around, eyes wide. _ Who had them this time! _

**Author's Note**: Evil laughter I already know who I'm doing next. Can you guess who it is? 


End file.
